Equilibrium

Hello all,
This post is about writing but what it's really about is passion. We all have something that we cannot live without (if not several things). I love to do a lot of things, but  my relationship to this craft is bigger than that.

My life without words would be empty---writing sustains me and has made me who I am today. This is more than loving something. This is being made of something. This is surviving because of something. I hope sincerely that all of you feel this way about whatever it is that you do, and I hope you do it all the time.

Without further ado...Enjoy!

Equilibrium

Somebody asked me yesterday,

“So you write for fun?”

No.

I write the way you breathe.

It's involuntary.

It’s a bodily response to stimuli, stimuli being

Sunset

Rainy day

Teacup

Curve of a shoulder

Delicate secret tuck of hip.

But so much more than that too

Isn’t it?

Because

Because

I hear God in a pen’s scratch

And  find love

In the

perfect

order

of

 lined paper.

I wish I could  explain that sometimes I think I would die without this

Without words

I am afraid, so afraid of who I would be without a pen in my hand, without my fingers

 tiptapping

on a keyboard to tell me where I belong

To say

Here

Here

Here you are.

I recognize myself in my words

That’s me,  there she is, I found her.

Because sometimes I wake up in the morning and my reflection in the mirror looks unfamiliar

My hair parts to the right at night, while I sleep

Moved I guess by unconscious dream fingers

And then in the morning my symmetry is reversed and the world feels flipped on its head,

Like standing up too fast.

And the only way it ever looks right again is

To write it all down.

 So  I guess

You could say I write for

Balance

I write for

Equilibirum

This is my stasis.

Aristotle wrote about the idea of final cause.

He believed that all things had a purpose and a place and we would get there, somehow.

This is my final cause.

Midnight on a Thursday,

Listening to the whirr of the fan and the soft beat of my own heart telling me I exist, yes

I think therefore I am,

I write.
I write, therefore

Therefore

I must be

Yes, yes.

I am.

Lap Swimming

 Hi Everyone, I arrived for my college orientation just a little over three weeks ago, and already, my life feels immeasurably different. This post is about change, growth, and new beginnings.  Enjoy!

Lap Swimming

Free lap swim until six o'clock

Pink painted toes curl against white tile

Hesitant to leave solid ground.

But I take a deep breath and spring forward

My feet splash through the cool clear blue

And I’m on my  way.

My heart is beating to the rhythm of a breaststroke

And there’s nothing left to think about,

Just legs propelling, arms pulling, lungs breathing

Progress.

I’m beginning to wonder if college is a little like lap swimming

Because no matter how prepared you are,

Towel and flipflops and Speedo,

Eventually, you just have to jump in

And when you do,  no matter how ready you are, you’ll still sputter when you swallow chlorine.

Your arms will get tired and by the end of fifteen laps you wonder how is this only halfway

Your legs will want to rest and you’ll be sick of holding your breath.

But then.

Then you’re at sixteen, eighteen, twenty

And you’re strong and lean and deliciously refreshed

When you get out the sun’s  on your back

And you know you’ll come back and do it all again.

I’ve only just leaped in to this new adventure

And I’m still only on my first lap

Trying to remember where my anthropology class is

And what day they come for the recycling.

Just trying not to miss Sunday afternoons in the wine country

Trying to laugh even when I’m tired

And the joke isn’t funny.

But I’m getting there.

I’m stronger already

I’m past wishing I could put my feet down

And I’ve started to kick.

I’ve started to

Stay up late

Accept compliments

Relish long hugs.

I’ve started

To swim.