Sometimes

 This post is a piece I wrote this summer, a sort of ode to quiet moments and pleasant solitude. Enjoy and happy New Year to all of you!

Sometimes,

I wish I could disappear into the purple-blue ashy summer twilight sky

Become a part of that big aching aliveness

Just be pure color, pure emotion

Never have to exist

Go through the effort of living, breathing, experiencing

Sometimes I wish I could just see.

See and feel but never do.

Sometimes, I wish I was invisible.

Because then I could just watch this wonderful wild fascinating world

Sometimes I like to listen to the music of my mother’s voice

chatting with my father in the front seat of the car

Sometimes I like it when they forget I am there, and

 I can just hear the soft lilt of their conversation wash over me

Sometimes I want to become nothing,

Because then I would be a part of everything

Sometimes I feel very small and insignificant and quiet

And sometimes I do not want to speak.

It is a wonderful feeling,

 When I am so wide-eyed and slender and unknown.

When my voice is only in my head, when I can talk only to me and  no one will hear me

Sometimes I like to be by myself,

To walk along the street and dip into the little shops and look at the earrings on the rack

And then to keep going if I wish, or stay

And listen to the women talk about the colors that accent their eyes

And the children about the kind of ice cream cones they want.

Sometimes I like to be silent, 

And relinquish myself

Sometimes I like to be just a little animal

Simple and happy.

I can feel it all then,

The whole kaleidoscope of humanity.

Sometimes I like that feeling,

That completeness.

It makes me want to  disappear into the ashy blue summer  twilight sky

It makes me want to give myself up.